as long as we've got time, this ain't goodbye

Please, excuse me while I have a minor freakout...

All of the sudden, time is going so fast. 

I can’t keep each day separate and it feels like it’s always midnight. Or in this case 1:30 am. I find myself here more often than not no matter how hard I try to get to bed at a decent hour. Oh my gosh my friends are dropping like flies. It just seems like everyone is gone on their mission, has their mission call or is getting it within the next month and it’s freaking me out. When they get the call, the count down begins. It’s like I just want to hang out with them because time is running out and soon they’ll just be gone. But at the same time there’s only so much I can do when I live in Provo and the majority of them live in Draper. And now what is all this about everyone already signing up for housing next year?? I swear I just started college and now I have to decide what I want to do next year? I can’t even decide what I want to wear tomorrow. How am I supposed to know where I want to live already? I had to make a collage of who I am what I want in my life. And as I was making it I realized that I just don't know. I mean, I know big things like I want to get married and have kids... But that's not for a long time. So what until then? When do I decide my major? It seems like everyone has theirs all figured out and I've never been so unsure of something in my life. Each time I think I decide I just change my mind. I know I don't necessarily have to know right this moment... But the sooner I figure it out the better. Another thing is oh my gosh I’m going to be 20 this year. What the heck? Was I not just in elementary? I just added my 1^st grade teacher on facebook and it seems like I was just barely there. Oh no, that was more than 10 years ago! Freak. I’m no longer going to be a teenager and able to get away with not knowing things about the world. It’s time to make all these decisions and I don’t feel ready to make them! It’s time to grow up but I don’t think I’m ready to. I wanted to so bad, to be independent. But now I feel more dependent than ever and I can’t do anything without calling my parents because they know so much more than I do even though I don’t like to admit it. It’s strange this growing up thing. But I just want time to slow down a little and give me a breather. I go to school and work and come home at 7 then all the sudden it’s 1:30 and I don’t know how it got to be so late. And I haven’t even had time to go to the gym for the past week. I need to have time to be able to play with my missionary friends before they leave because I feel like time is just ticking away as each week passes and I don’t want to miss any opportunities to be with them. Because we still have time so this ain’t goodbye. Yet.